You can imagine the confusion and the sense of disorientation that takes place when a person discovers that their father isn’t really their father. My own personal experience was compounded by the fact that my other 8 brothers and sisters were not conceived by the man who raised us as well. It really messes with your head in so many ways.
People who go through the experience of discovering they aren’t who they grew up thinking they were go through a process very much like the classic grieving process that takes place with the death of a loved one. There is the denial & isolation stage, followed by an intense sense of anger that comes from a sense of betrayal. That stage is followed by a desperate attempt to bargain your way through the crisis. Once you realize that bargaining isn’t going to change things, you move to the next stage of intense depression. Finally, you reach a point where you come to a sense of acceptance. You may not like what life has given you but you know there is no joy in staying where you’ve been.
Everyone moves through these 5 steps of grieving in a different way. Some get through them in a reasonable amount of time, while others may get stuck in one or more of these stages. Regardless of how fast or slow you get through the grieving process, it’s difficult to do it alone. You need to get help.
Not long after my discovery, I found a website named NPE Friends Fellowship. The NPE stands for a Non Paternity Event or a Non Parental Event. An NEP event could result from any of the following:
If you have had any kind of NPE event, I would recommend you visit NPE Friends Fellowship and see how they can help you heal from the trauma of what you have experienced. You have nothing to lose but a lot of pain and confusion.