You can imagine the confusion and the sense of disorientation that takes place when a person discovers that their father isn’t really their father. My own personal experience was compounded by the fact that my other 8 brothers and sisters were not conceived by the man who raised us as well. It really messes with your head in so many ways.
People who go through the experience of discovering they aren’t who they grew up thinking they were go through a process very much like the classic grieving process that takes place with the death of a loved one. There is the denial & isolation stage, followed by an intense sense of anger that comes from a sense of betrayal. That stage is followed by a desperate attempt to bargain your way through the crisis. Once you realize that bargaining isn’t going to change things, you move to the next stage of intense depression. Finally, you reach a point where you come to a sense of acceptance. You may not like what life has given you but you know there is no joy in staying where you’ve been.
Everyone moves through these 5 steps of grieving in a different way. Some get through them in a reasonable amount of time, while others may get stuck in one or more of these stages. Regardless of how fast or slow you get through the grieving process, it’s difficult to do it alone. You need to get help.
Not long after my discovery, I found a website named NPE Friends Fellowship. The NPE stands for a Non Paternity Event or a Non Parental Event. An NEP event could result from any of the following:
If you have had any kind of NPE event, I would recommend you visit NPE Friends Fellowship and see how they can help you heal from the trauma of what you have experienced. You have nothing to lose but a lot of pain and confusion.
Last week, I had the great pleasure of being interviewed by Scott Fisher, the creator and owner of the radio and podcast show, Extreme Genes. I’ve gotten to know Scott after doing two previous interviews with him. When he found out about my family’s DNA story, he wanted to let his listeners in on what he thought was a fascinating story. Over the past four years, we’ve done 3 interviews. The interview we did today was episode 301 (Man Who Learned That His Dad Was Not Dad To Nine Kids Writes Book). I'm the third interivew on the podcast.
Scott Fisher invites people from all over to share their fascinating family history/genealogy stories with his audience. He’s got some fantastic stories of discovery, loss and exciting adventure from the folks he invited to come onto his show. If you want to find his radio station that covers your area, click on this Find Us link.
This will probably be the last interview we do about my several year journey of discovering my family’s real identity. But, I will definitely continue to listen to Scott Fisher's radio show. He gets some fascinating interviews that you're not going to want to miss.